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Friday, November 5, 2010

“Cause I am, what ever you say I am…”

As a result of socially acceptable entertainment, I am often temporarily embarrassed when I expose myself to a new environment. 

As this environment is explored and proves to be a safe zone for a knitting male, I then relax and can enjoy my art.

I started…stopped; started again…added or deleted; opened, scraped and restarted this post.

I don’t really know why this was so difficult to write.  I had all sorts of thoughts in my mind, but none of them would transfer to paper – or screen in this case. 

I was none the less, compelled to finish something and just hope it makes sense.

As I have mentioned in the past, there are different responses from bystanders of my knitting, but a great percentage of them are very positive.

This positivity makes me feel good and provides a confirmation as to what I am doing. 

And any snide comments are usually from the male population and typically someone I know.

While the snide comments may offend me as I express the X chromosome in my genetically given XY, I am an adult and generally secure enough with myself that I don’t let this bother me. 

But as I was visiting Karie at work the other day, I wondered what effect I was having on them.

One of the boys in Karie’s third grade class was excited to show me a knitting for kids book that he had checked out of the library. 

He seemed so excited to show me this and I was in turn excited and tried to show it the best I could.  Because some of these children have been watching me knit and spin for over a year, I took this as a small token of appreciation for what I love and have hopefully passed on to them. 

After this incident with this boy, I began to wonder if that acceptance of me would help them be themselves as they grew up. 

Would my presence help them to identified who they are.  Identify their passions.  Or was I setting them up for possible teasing and hurt.

As much as I would like to see more people in general, un-ashamedly do what they love.  I realize that at that age, this would be a gigantic step towards being an individual in our society and I don’t know how to deal with the possibility of this causing them harm.

I hope this student reads this book.  I hope he continues to show an interest in knitting, even if he does it in the privacy of his room.  And I hope he is able to ignore what is possibly yet to come. 

Children can be cruel, because they have the tendency of not monitoring their thoughts and words before expressing them – on my mind…on my lips.

At least with adults, most tend to monitor and refrain. 

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