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Sunday, March 4, 2012

An Epiphany

I have been lectured on not revealing negativity with my blog.

Instructed to only show the positive and not the trials.

But I have never been very good at following the advise of the status quote and will still write out a struggle this past few months.

The wheels have been turning for more than a month now, but while the symptoms have been boldly in front of me - the actual diagnosis didn’t happened until this past Saturday.

For those that have heard me talk about my favorite coffee shop -at this point I normally add the coffee shop’s name and hit the Cha-Ching button for the free plug.

But today I won’t be mentioning their name…maybe for the sake of not criticizing them while dropping their name…maybe a little from the fact that I am saddened by the resent atmosphere and a little bit sore at the lost of my home away from home.  

At the upset of my “normal” I became intimately familiar with a soft, easy chair that backed against the side wall of my new found coffee shop. 

With the wall to my rear, my seat gave me a sense of privacy while allowing me to interact with life as it happened in front of me. 

I grew to like the people that worked there.  And for one, I grew to love her.

I pleasantly greet the people that pass through here on there way to work - not because I’m the Wal-Mart greeter - but because I have grown to like many of them and again, have grown to love others.

Not an intimate love for that of a spouse or a family member, but a love because they brought so much to my life and to my newly formed routine. 

As most around me seemed in chaos, that soft chair was my safety.  I felt good when there, hated to leave and loved to return.

I arrive one morning and find that my favorite barista was gone and sitting in my chair became awkward.  The new atmosphere was unfriendly and  strange. 

Instead of a hardy hello, service quickly became cold and uncaring.

The usual banter between friends was vacant and replace with an aura of hatred.

Then I began to leave earlier and still earlier.

I found myself guzzling the coffee without a refill and was still unable to get out of there quick enough. 

I found myself staying home more often and my new routine became unfulfilling and lonely. 

I missed the patrons that have brought so much to me and now have a small void where they used to be.

But when I return to test the water I find it all the same, but was to bullheaded to quit.  

As Karie and I exited the parking lot this past Saturday, I had an epiphany.   I now realize that I no longer sit in my chair to feel good.  I go to “work” in my chair and that allows me to network with others. 

I go to my job.

And for that I am sad.

2 comments:

  1. I don't think that this is a healthy place for you anymore. You have too much to offer and you need to find a place where you are not "doing your job". Unfortunately things and people change and not always for the better.

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  2. That may be entirely true...

    Like I said in my rant, I am pretty stubborn and I hate to give up something I use to love.

    But you are probably right!

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