I have been finding myself saying those words quite often lately.
Not that I have been a bad boy or anything. I have just been moving forward quickly and leaving a little mayhem in my path.
As a business owner for years in an interior trimming and custom cabinet business, I thought that I had myself defined from my years of life and labor path.
I had become somewhat settled in my work and towards the end - tired out and very complacent. I was burned out.
But in the previous years, I was confident in what I did and despite the stress of deadlines and commitments, I always knew that if did what I came to do, I would make good progress and then completion.
I don’t feel that way walking on my current path.
Oh, I am gaining confidence every day when I pick up the needles and try something new. But with design – I can’t say that I am always moving forward…constructively.
And for that I am sorry…
I have found myself forced to move backwards and clean up what wasn’t as clean as my type “A” personality could appreciate.
Wikipedia defines this as:
The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status conscious, can be sensitive, care for other people, are truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.
The theory describes Type B individuals as a contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personality by definition generally live at a lower stress level and typically work steadily, enjoying achievements but not becoming stressed when they are not achieved. When faced with competition, they do not mind losing and either enjoy the game or back down. They may be creative and enjoy exploring ideas and concepts. They are often reflective, thinking about the outer and inner worlds. Furthermore, Type B personalities may have a poor sense of time schedule and can be predominately right brained thinkers.
The conflict coming in the problem that I would like to become more type “B”… And I don’t think I can find one “quality” in the B list that I can confidently say “…yes, that is me!”
You are probably asking what the root of all this crazy talk is?
I have been having problems with pattern “correctness.”
I have tried to do the test knitting myself – over and over and over. I end up test knitting an item multiple items, thinking that I have proofed the pattern and I am ready to publish…only to find and error later. I know what I want to see and by gosh..I see it.
I employed a test knitter. I can barely afford this and at the rate that I am selling patterns and kits, I should recover that cost around June 2075.
Again, only to find an error as I knit yet another item for additional display or with a new color palette.
Where has this led me?
I find these little irritating mistakes and I’m embarrassed.
I back myself into the corner and mentally whip myself until raw.
Do you see any type A personality traits yet?
On advise of my other personality, I am stepping back and cleaning up behind me before moving forward and designing.
This requires patience - from both me and the individual that received a flawed pattern.
I am working on this issue with a couple of baby sweaters.
And while I have no current – known – problems with others, I want to clean those up and proof them again.
The type A side of me is attempting to remove my human error…while the wanna be B side of me is trying to accept that I am.